Developmental Perspective

Infancy (birth–12 months)

Infants live in the moment—they aren’t able to worry about the consequences of a parent’s illness. Try to do the same. Choose a book about infant development and read up on what to expect. Babies grow and develop so quickly that there will be something new to notice almost every week. Often, enjoying your infant’s rapid development is the best distraction from your worries or illness and treatment-related symptoms.

Additional caring adults helps

Babies come wired with their own temperaments. If you have an infant who has an uncommonly calm temperament or who is a good sleeper, you’re lucky. But infants of all temperamental types do not sleep for long enough stretches at night and go through phases in which they are difficult to soothe. This is hard for any parent, but when you or your partner have an illness that adds to your fatigue or is associated with nausea, pain, or irritability, it is even harder.

Parenting an infant and living with cancer means you will need to plan ahead and will need help. Luckily, babies thrive in many different caring relationships. You are likely to be more upset than your infant about the times that you have to be apart. Your treatment and your medical symptoms will most often make it important to have a few other caring adults to whom you can regularly turn or for unanticipated help.

Sensory experiences

In the first year of life, babies are learning how the world feels. Your baby is experiencing his own physical feelings such as the pleasant sensations of being held and having a full tummy, or the uncomfortable ones of gas pains and chilly bath water. It is not possible to keep an infant from ever having an uncomfortable feeling—and if it were possible, it would not be good for your infant’s healthy development. Babies in loving environments learn that enough of what is needed happens, and thus the world feels pretty good—inside and out, though life at any age is not perfect. Your baby is learning that people who love and care for him can be depended upon to respond to his cues and communications often enough and at the same time learning to communicate more effectively in order to get those loving responses.

Parenting tips

Facilitate caregiving. Keep a communication book for the caregivers. Include how your baby likes to be held or what her favorite food is this month. If you are in the hospital, call home at a regular time to share information with the caregiver and hear about your baby’s day.
Provide visual guides for helpers. Take snapshots of the inside of your cupboards or linen closet so a visiting friend can use them to put away your dishes, your baby’s clothing, or laundry in the correct locations.
Familiarity is comforting. Have your infant nap in a portable crib, so that if he needs to spend a night at a neighbor or family member’s home unexpectedly, he can sleep in this familiar crib that will travel with him.